A friend shared it with me as I am not too familiar with Chinese cinema,
after a conversation we had about relationships.
Our conversation was more about how women so often – in many different parts of the world, including the industrialized world – show up in intimate love relationships.
They ‘fall’ in love, and find themselves from that moment on lying down instead of walking in their life.
And this film illustrated it so beautifully.
It’s about a 28-year-old woman living with her man, totally devoting herself to him while he is totally devoting himself to his job, and probably more than just the job. 😉
He then makes it very painfully clear to her that he is unable to commit to her after 10 years together, by not proposing to her right in front of the whole wedding party at their friends’ wedding.
(You have to watch the film to get this lol.)
As a result she ends up getting her hands on a box of chocolates, not knowing that each chocolate can transport her to her 17-year-old self for several hours.
And so the adventure begins.
Going back and forth between the 28-year-old and 17-year-old self, our heroine finds a way to fully step into her power, after realizing how submissive she had become over the years.
The 17 version is excited about life, passionate and artistic, doing what she really wants and without apologizing for it or feeling bad about it, and has dreams and the drive to pursue them.
The 28 version’s main concern is not to loose her man, even though she is unhappy in the relationship.
And this is what happens to so many women.
Somehow the need to be validated by a man is so deeply ingrained in the collective psyche that many women succumb to it and get lost.
‘Eat, pray, love’ book by Elisabeth Gilbert actually started with this quest – to discover what she was about, on her own, not as a woman partnered with a man.
She found that many women obsessed over ‘the guy’ no matter what religion, race, social or cultural background, education etc.
And so she went on the journey of self-discovery, and did that by literally travelling to 3 different countries, and finding a way to be happy and whole in and with herself.
Of course you don’t have to travel to other countries to discover and uncover what you are all about, and to connect to your core, your essence, your true driving force.
You can do it right in your room, with a journal and a pen in hand, as a starter.
There are many ways but the bottom line is this……….
………..we can only be truly happy in a love relationship…….
………when we are not needing the other to validate for us that we are worthy of love.
If we don’t have this one thing – knowing and feeling that we are lovable, and loved just as we are………..
………..whether that special someone agrees or not……….
…………we’ll feel as if in quicksand in the relationship.
We’ll easily give up anything and everything that we are passionate about, what is truly important to us, to our heart and soul……….
…………because in the end, if you are feeling unlovable and unloved and unimportant…………
………..what does the rest matter anyway……?
This is why ‘loosing’ that someone feels like the end of the world, even if that someone is not your true partner, even if you are unhappy together, even if………
…….this is not what you want.
Women are taught in our society in many subtle and not so subtle ways that they are not worthy……..
……….that they have to change everything about them to be attractive to the man.
They are taught to put the man’s needs and everybody else’s needs first.
Women who sacrifice their dreams are celebrated and women who won’t are judged, not approved of, criticized.
These women are found ‘difficult’, ‘demanding’, ‘selfish’ etc just because they know what they want and how to get it / ask for it.
If you want to be approved of, accepted, and ‘loved’, just make sure you’re not too much – this is the underlying message women get.
‘Validation’ of being lovable, being worthy of love, being loved…….
Don’t let it come from the man or anything/anyone in the outside world.
Let it come from Universe.
You are not more worthy of love, when you are loved by a man.
You are not less worthy of love, when you are not.
It’s not even the question, whether you are worthy of love.
It Is Your Birthright.
Easier said than done…….?
But you can do it – find the source of love in yourself.
Let Universe love you up every single day.
As much as you like.
As often as you like.
Then you will know for sure you are loved.
Then you will know for sure you are lovable.
And you can celebrate that love and grow it together with your man, without ‘needing’ his love, but by simply enjoying it.
You won’t have to give up anything you love and enjoy,
or give up shining the brightest you can shine……….
…………..because that is who you are.
You are love.
Nothing and no-one can change that.
You are L O V E D.
Whether your man loves you or not.
Wants to be with you or not.
F E E L L O V E D by the whole Universe………
That’s where your wings come from…..!
LOTS OF LOVE
V I O L E T
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